Musings of My Memoir Waiting to be Born

I have been writing a book…for 10 years. I know in my heart that this is one thing that I can and will achieve. This is one of my most valuable dreams – to write my own memoirs about my lived experience with bipolar disorder. 

I have written over 100 pages so far, mostly in 2005, and I wanted to share a small piece that I wrote over 10 years ago, after my second, and last hospitalization. This was before Bipolar Babe, the Bipolar Disorder Society of BC and even before I truly knew that I possessed an advocate's voice inside my heart.

Year 2005, age 28 years old. 

"I realize that some people will think that I am crazy to share my entire and unedited story with the world in the form of a book.  It would be just plain wrong to deny that I have been insane, and writing my memoirs has probably been the most sane thing that I have ever done.  If there is anything that I hope people will take away from my story is having them realize that they do not have to be afraid.  Many ask if I am angry with those that turned a blind eye. Angry?  No.  Disappointed, of course.  However, I finally have a will to live and offer a sincere thank-you to those few special people who were there to support me during the most difficult time of my life. 

For now, I will retreat to another country, but I will never let go of my political dreams.  I accept that I was just never meant to have a sugar coated life; instead, I am someone that has been given a life of adversity, which has actually created a drive within my being that cannot be overcome. I truly feel that I am blessed to have been equipped with impeccable survival skills and a true compassionate understanding of human nature. 

Many ask, why do I want to expose my story to the world?  It is not for the purpose of self-glorification, but I hope to inspire others to listen to the many more personal stories that exist, and help fight the stigma that people with mental illness are forced to endure. 

As I journey on to South Korea, I know that my travels will only add to my many valuable and colorful life experiences and I wait in great anticipation for my plane to soar into the skies.  I may be cursed by this illness, but I am blessed to know what it feels like to be a 'God', however; I also know the reality of experiencing a time where I was truly condemned to hell. I have faith that there is meaning in this living paradox."

…to be continued…

Thanks for reading… xo Andrea