Change

As I drove home the other day on the highway I came to a stop behind a car and tears started to well down my face.  I had no idea what could have been the issue, was it a sad song?  Or a touching commercial on the radio about blood donation?  It wouldn’t be there first time!  Then it struck me that I had been told the day before that my landlords came to the decision to sell their home.  They anticipated that we would come with the house but we cannot risk being asked to leave upon new possession.  This means a move which equals BIG change.  I had a friend who once told me that she liked her life predictable and stable – the same.  I thought “How boring!”  Now I realize what she is talking about.  It jolted some unknown emotion inside of me a day after being informed, but the funny thing is, I never anticipated feeling bad or even sad.  I initially felt kinda neutral and I find it interesting how emotion can stir itself up without even knowing. 

Change.  It can be positive in many senses but for someone with bipolar disorder it can be particularly difficult. I work best in a stable environment, and I do like that I have a committed and consistent relationship with my partner.  I appreciate both places of employment as I am salaried and don’t have to worry about getting paid.   I work best with a schedule in many senses –day and night.  Lastly, I like my home to be welcoming, stable and predictable.  I now realize my home of 4 years is being uprooted and yes it is making me emotional.  As we look for new suites, I feel neutral, even after putting in an application for an amazing condo.  I questioned this but my friend said “Your meds are working or you are reacting in a neutral way that is working for you.”  Regardless, I must look at all of this as an opportunity, a time to celebrate new beginnings and a chance for excitement.  I will try my best to face change with my head up!