Acid Trip

It always seems like such an impossible story to tell.  I still remember my utter pain as I commenced my journey across Canada after being diagnosed with bipolar disorder at the tender age of twenty six.  Why so hard to articulate?  Well, it was more meaningful than any paper could embrace, no words would roll off my tongue that would explain the grandeur of my experience.  I feel like I am expected to write something colourful and positive.  Talk about the things that I am grIt always seems like such an impossible story to tell.  I still remember my utter pain as I commenced my journey across Canada after being diagnosed with bipolar disorder at the tender age of twenty six.  Why so hard to articulate?  Well, it was more meaningful than any paper could embrace, no words would roll off my tongue that would explain the grandeur of my experience.  I feel like I am expected to write something colourful and positive.  Talk about the things that I am grateful for but tonight I don’t feel like it.  As I am experiencing side-effects from a new medication regime, I am brought back to when I was 16 years old.  There is a small piece of ‘chocolate’ acid under my tongue and I am staring at the largest super stack in Canada as it puffs smoke over the beautiful pink sky in Sudbury Ontario.  My first acid trip in my early teens was amazing, but now that I am experiencing acid like feelings as we tweak my anti-psychotic medication it falls short to say it is terrifying.  As I walk to the car with my boyfriend after our stroll by the water we plan to meet our travel counsellor to plan our future vacation.  Only minutes after I am hit by a wave of mild psychosis or perhaps ‘acid’ type flashbacks.  People will ask, is that why you have bipolar?  Well, my mom has the illness and she never took a hit of acid in her life, the only thing I know is that it is not a cause but perhaps a culprit that urges the illness to reveal itself, then again 15 years later?  Hmmm…  The sidewalk is rocky with a very pronounced design of rocks and specs that seem to stick out, almost cartoon like, and the world is so BRIGHT, almost as if the stimuli is attacking me.  All lights are bright and my vision is blurred to the point that the street signs became illegible.  It feels awkward to be around anybody, even the man I want to marry some day, so I begin to tell him everything I just told you and he says ‘you’re high’.  He hit the nail on the head as that is exactly what I was experiencing.  It has not happened for over 1.5 weeks, which is not very long, so here is hoping I am on a trek back to work soon and even better a passage to sanity.